"This is a love letter and I don't know where to start / Wrote it, quoted from the bottom of my heart / We will always be together but we'll always be a part / Of something bigger, and that's cool and all"
To start this, I thought quoting "LOVE LETTER" by Human would be a great choice for many reasons. This post is basically is what it is: a love letter. A loner love letter must say. Because I can't send it, the person who own these feelings may will never read it. And I'm writing this just for myself.
The past months have been a bit tough. It's been a while since you left, as for me it feels like so long time ago. It still hurts because we've passed through so much together in a short time, even if it felt like years to the both of us. When I met you, I never thought things would be this way (of course), you came to have important place in my life. I never had someone who I could talk freely about few things - music, as example - and for my whole life I felt like a loner who would never meet someone who is similar to me, it changed when we met. Of course a friend who understood me in a way anyone never did before would mean the world to me - this is one more thing that no one understands. That's why losing you hurts so much.
Our last meeting was not exactly the best one. I know. I know that I may never come to know why you made such a choice. I tried my best to understand you and kept my word of not leaving you behind until the end. I was the best I could be at that time, it took me a while to understand that sometimes we can say mean things to the ones we love, we can be angry with the ones we love, and it's not something cruel, it means that we care, we love. I was disappointed, angry and flustered because I loved you. And I wanted to try to make things work out between us like before, and, to make it happen, it had to be the two of us, not only me. Therefore, my "last shot" was being the most honest with you about how I was feeling at that moment and hoped you'd understand and give me an answer. But it never happened. I've waited day by day, weeks, months, but you never came... It was pretty hard. I thought you hated me, I thought I did something really bad and it was my fault. However, in the end, I understood it wasn't like that. Sometimes life circumstances can be mean to us and make people who like each other be apart. I'll never know for sure why you left, what you thought after reading my last words... Still, I know that you always knew about how I felt, I've been always honest with you. You already know how my feelings were because I had my heart upon my sleeve. I always told you how much I cared and liked you every time I had the chance.
I decided to write this love letter as a point to start moving on from you. It's not like I want to cut you out of my life. It's not like that. I'm very grateful for all the moments we've passed together, I treasure them a lot... My wish at that time was just we could spend more of these good times and enjoy the companion of each other, I wanted to know you more. Nothing more, nothing less. Now it can't be possible anymore and I'm trying my best to overcome it. So, to end this letter, I'm going to say one more time (because you already know):
I've waited for you this whole time: someone who understands me. You'll be always my psycho friend, my music partner, the friend Tim/Avicii gave me. My EDM partner. I miss you every single day of my life, I remember you in every single thing that we listened/shared together and things I wish I could share with you now. I'll never forget you. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you're safe and fine wherever you are. I really hope you could see yourself the way I see you - a person with a golden heart. I really wish you could achieve your dreams and be happy. You're a great artist, a great human being, no matter what people say, no one can replace you.
I can't say goodbye to you for many reasons. One of them is: being with you helped me to become the person I am today, I'm very grateful for who I've become and I still have a silly hope that we could be together again on the future. Saying goodbye to you means to have given up on you and I'll never do it. No one would never understand it but here I am saying this over and over again. I have a bit of comfort thinking that somewhere in the world there is someone like me, and it makes a huge difference in my life because, before meeting you, I thought it wasn't possible. So... my last words here are going to be:
I'm glad you exist. I'm glad we met.
